This is good, but, it would be easier to read if you spaced, now, I know my stuff has plenty of typos, but I'm a grammar Nazi, so here goes:

Gaara was a very lonely child. when he was born, the village of Suna put the sand demon, Shukaku, within him. The entire village was afraid of Gaara. They hated him. Even his father, the Kazekage, tried to have him killed.

Gaara didn’t have any real friends, or aqaintances, because all of the children were afraid of him.
One day, that all changed.

It was typical day in the desert. It was scorching through, the day but the people were used to that. Gaara was playing alone like he normally would: he swung on the swings and watched the other children play from afar, pining to join them.

Gaara noticed they were playing with a ball and one child kicked it so high that it landed on the roof. The children couldn’t reach it. Then, all of a sudden, the ball mysteriously floated down to them.

The children were shocked. Gaara stood and said, “Can I please play?”

All the children screamed, calling Gaara a monster, and ran away. Gaara yelled after them to stop, but the children began to run as if a devil were chasing at their heels.

Gaara clutched at the fabric of his white, desert shawl in pain and confusion. He had only wanted to help and join them. He couldn't find a reason for the way people treated him. He tried so hard.

Gaara fell to his knees and started to cry, “Why does everyone hate me so much?” As he continued to cry he heard a loud noise from a nearby ally. Gaara walked over and asked, “Who is it?”

Your piece is good for a scrap, but you should want this to be much more.

My corrections are for the sake of clarity and style. As well as grammar.

Now, there are keys to goo story telling. Unless you are using First Person (I did this), you must never use "I" or your opinions in the story. Unless it is in a character's dialogue.

You must show, not tell. It is better to say Gaara clutched at the fabric of his shawl, than to say he was hurt and angry. You want to leave your reader with a lasting image that helps the story move along.

Also, I say space between paragraphs, it's much easier to read on devart than all together. You don't want it to be overwhelming.

Especially since you can't double space to lessen strain on your reader's eyes.

I want to help you become a better writer; so, don't take my suggestions the wrong way.

You've got talent.

All you need to do is polish it up. ^^

--
Merrique "Blue 88" Richelieu

This is between me, you, and the holy grapefruit.

Those who would trade freedom and justice for saftey deserve neither freedom nor safety.

I made a few typos too ^^

Sorry about that.

--
Merrique "Blue 88" Richelieu

This is between me, you, and the holy grapefruit.

Those who would trade freedom and justice for saftey deserve neither freedom nor safety.

by the way queenofcats81 helped me with the picture and a very good pic it is credit goes to here 2

thanks i know bout the spacing and i thought it need a bit more detail in it but i really appreciate your help with it should i try a second chapter and ask you to check it for me lol before anything else

I hope it didn't bother you.

Well, try to upload to the fanart gallery, that way, I can see it when you post. ^^

Oh, you can send it via note, too.

--
Merrique "Blue 88" Richelieu

This is between me, you, and the holy grapefruit.

Those who would trade freedom and justice for saftey deserve neither freedom nor safety.

kk no it didn't bother me lol i can draw better than i write but i will try for a second one

Go for it!

Hey, you read on the roof top right?

Draw a scene, and I'll post it ^^

Any scene at all :3

Pwease?

--
Merrique "Blue 88" Richelieu

This is between me, you, and the holy grapefruit.

Those who would trade freedom and justice for saftey deserve neither freedom nor safety.

ummm ok lol i will draw gaara and sakura on a rooftop yea but it will look perty

Yay!

Thank you so much!

I can't wait!

--
Merrique "Blue 88" Richelieu

This is between me, you, and the holy grapefruit.

Those who would trade freedom and justice for saftey deserve neither freedom nor safety.